relationships

45 Lessons for My Son

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Five years ago around the time of my 40th birthday I started to make a list of the 40 lessons I learned along the 40 year journey I’d been on. It was a milestone birthday and I was coming out of a low point in my life. I battled with depression, did the work, and got myself back up. At the time, I thought maybe I had lived long enough and collected enough life experience that people might find a few of the lessons I jotted down helpful. What I didn’t know at the time, is that I was actually making that list for my future son. Five years later into life’s journey, I’m a dad, I’m married, and have five more lessons to add to the list… Well, actually there are a lot more lessons learned from marriage and parenthood, but that’s for another day.

  1. Mistakes are okay, excuses are not.
  2. Gratitude is the most wonderful mindset to be in. Spend as much time there as possible.
  3. Exercise and smart eating are better for my mind than they are my body. Take good care of both.
  4. Forgiveness is a virtue. Go first. And start with yourself.
  5. Family is everything. Meet them where they are – not where you think they should be.
  6. The Law of Attraction. I subscribe to it.
  7. Relationships take time. Time to invest in them, time to trust, time to heal, time to forgive, time to love… choose relationships intentionally and make the most of your time.
  8. Children are the future. Teach them to be kind to one another, and let them fail once in a while.
  9. Having a beer with an old friend you haven’t seen in 10 years is a blessing. Reach out to them more often.
  10. Writing a hand written thank you card is the art of connection – be connected to people.
  11. Meditation, prayer, and spending time in nature are good for the mind, body and soul.
  12. Goals are more likely to be accomplished when they are written down. Write them down.
  13. Call your mother. How many friends do we have that would love just one more talk with mom?
  14. Self-help books are meant to be read and re-read. Then pass them on. Someone will be grateful that you cared.
  15. A morning routine is your best time. Protect it with a good night of sleep.
  16. Laughter is great medicine. Taking ourselves too seriously and holding on to past pain prevents laughter.
  17. It’s a lot easier to blame and complain than it is to understand and take responsibility.
  18. Good things come to those who go get them.
  19. We feel better when we are tan and able to play outside. Go outside more.
  20. A little bit of everything is generally ok. Too much is always too much.
  21. There are no shortcuts. Spending time looking for one is a waste of time.
  22. Your title at work means very little to anyone. Your reputation on the other hand does.
  23. Work on things you are passionate about. You will have very little to complain about if you do.
  24. Learn to say thank you and accept a compliment gracefully. Don’t deflect it. It is yours.
  25. Stay in the moment. Put the device down at the table when you are with your person. Quality time is precious.
  26. Farmers produce our food. Get to know them, and understand what they do. You will appreciate meal time a little more.
  27. Treat your restaurant server like you would the owner. Please say thank you.
  28. It’s ok to be vulnerable. When we are vulnerable, we find strength in ourselves we didn’t know we possessed.
  29. Reach out to coaches and teachers and let them know that the work they do matters. Long after retirement, a teacher is still and will always be a teacher at heart.
  30. Technology moves fast and it takes a little effort to keep up, but don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it.
  31. Politics and religion. Figure yours out, and I’ll figure mine out. And let’s still be friends.
  32. Sportsmanship and teamwork are more important than trophies. Collect teammates for the rest of your life and hang sportsmanship on your walls.
  33. Believe in yourself. If you don’t, no one else will either.
  34. Remember where you came from. Your roots are still planted there.
  35. If you feel like you need someone to talk to, you are not alone. Make the call, ask for help, and do it for you. What other people think is not important. You being here does.
  36. Everyone’s journey moves at a different pace, in different directions and at different times. Your journey, regardless of where it takes you, is your story. Write it the way you want it to be read long after you are gone.
  37. It takes courage to grow up and be who you truly want to be. Be a lion. Your future self will thank you.
  38. Listening is easier when we make eye contact. Be present and intentional about listening.
  39. Be a gentleman. Open doors, stand to greet her, share your jacket. Young men are watching your example. Be the example your sisters and daughters deserve.
  40. We can make more money. We can’t make more time.
  41. Failure tests the mind and the man. How we fail is how we grow.
  42. Faith is the strongest muscle we posses; it can lift you up when you can’t lift yourself. Work on it.  
  43. Having a son strengthens a man’s heart and his mindset. If you have a son, be a man. For him, and for yourself.
  44. Generosity is a superpower. Being generous with ourselves as well as others feels good, and is good. 
  45. Standing tall and maintaining a confident posture sets the tone for every room we walk into. Don’t slouch, shoulders back, chin up. You belong in the room.  

Cheers to five more years!

Oiler Tradition

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findlayI’m not sure if anyone in their right mind would choose Findlay, Ohio as a vacation destination this time of year; or any time of year for that matter. But here I am. Day two of six in Findlay enjoying my time on my Alma Matter campus speaking to college students, coaches, staff and administrators about their futures, career paths, the future of the University’s sports programs, the benefit of internships, sports marketing and management, offensive and defensive line play, digital marketing and communications, NFL scouts, new buildings and sports facilities, campus writing publications and of course, the weather.

 It’s been almost twelve years since I graduated from the University of Findlay and I’m still proud of the fact that I graduated from here. When I was an eighteen year old kid I didn’t know what I didn’t know; and at 34, I still don’t. But I do know there are certain events in one’s life that whether one realizes it or not at the time, happen for a reason. I think coming to the University of Findlay after high school while at the time, I wasn’t sure was right for me, turned out to be a great decision. I’m still great friends with my teammates from the days of the collegiate gridiron. It was here and with them that I learned to be perseverant and to work my ass off for the greater good. That greater good was Findlay Football and a better opportunity and life than otherwise would have been possible for a kid from Glandorf, Ohio.  While it all started as a kid in back yard football games and with my coaches from the Ottawa-Glandorf communities, Findlay was the next step.

It was here that I met and quickly loved a football coach that knew how to motivate and inspire in a way that words cannot give justice. Coach Dick Strahm is one of the greatest human beings I’ve ever met and possibly to ever walk the Earth. If you haven’t had the chance to play for Coach or know his story, it may be hard to believe that the greatest of the great resides in Findlay, Ohio, but that is the case. He leads by example and has taught so many of us over the years how to do the same. The tradition he began and instilled in me, is much in part why I am on campus this week sharing what I am able to share. Whether it be my time, my experiences or my humble expertise in areas of my profession, I am here to continue an Oiler tradition that many before me have been passionate about and contributed to.

Super Moments

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It was January 1988 the first time the game made me emotional… It was 17 days into the new year, I was 10 years old and my fandom for the Cleveland Browns culminated at the moment Earnest Byner (# 44) took a handoff from Bernie Kosar. I was with uber sureness the Browns were going to score the game-tying touchdown in the AFC Championship Game, but to my dismay, followed by a 10 year old tear falling at disbelief; The Fumble.

Football has made me emotional numerous times for many different and unrelated reasons but most recently in Dallas at Super Bowl XLV. The National Anthem to be exact. I heard Christina messed up the lyrics but I was in my own world reminising the first time I heard the rendition wearing a New York Football Giants uniform and didn’t even notice she messed it up.

My most gratifying memory of playing football came the first time I suited up in an NFL uniform. The game was televised on ESPN and as the National Anthem played, I realized I made a life-long dream come true. It was a personal and special accomplishment, and to this day, when I hear the National Anthem I go back to that moment in New England and get goosebumps… No matter if it’s at a high school basketball game or the Super Bowl, it’s that particular sound of the game that takes me back.

This past Sunday I had the priviledge of attending SB XLV with a profound and distinguished group of people who crossed a variety of walks of life, but came together as football fans. I truly enjoyed every conversation I was a part of leading up to the game, and I had the opportunity to make new friends with some very cool people; but when the National Anthem played and the jets flew over the stadium; It was time for reading linebackers, picking up blitzes, and recognizing cover 2 defenses. After years of football film watching, it’s just how I watch a game. Everyone around me was excited, cheering, and anticipating the kickoff of Super Bowl XLV while I was imagining running down the field on the kickoff team, cognizant of staying in the correct pursuit lane, and wrecklessly looking to make the first tackle of Super Bowl XLV.

There are often indescribable experiences and personal moments that make a game memorable, a career definable, and a moment… a moment. These sports moments are experienced uniquely by an individual and often times, never spoke of; rather kept in a memory bank and recalled when a new experience triggers the sounds, sights and smells of a particular moment. The game is a ame of inches they say, but to me it’s a game of moments. A few special moments that made a career meaningful, and memorable.

Time-Trusted Friends

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Gearing up for a night out with the boys to celebrate our short friend Ty’s last few weeks as a single man. He’s getting married in a few weeks and asked me to be one of his groomsmen. Of course I said yes and remember the Put-in-Bay toast that immediately commenced… Cherry Bomb.

Thirty-five of Ty’s friends rsvp’d that they would be at the Winking Lizard tonight at 8:00 p.m. to begin the night’s events. Ty is a great friend. He was my college roommate for three years and now he lives a few doors down the street with his fiance Cassie. I’ve known the couple for 10 years and consider them “time-trusted friends.” Coach Simrell, one of the three head coaches we had at Findlay during my career there, introduced that phrase to us. I remember joking about it at the time because we joked about everything in the locker room, but I think I know what Sim meant by time-trusted friends. I certainly have time-trusted friends in my life and I’m thinking about all of Ty’s friend’s who are celebrating with him tonight. Many of them are time-trusted friends.


The ah-hah moment for this blog came when I decided to use Invizzable-Ink as a tool to define business principles and key methods for success. As a result, I know that I would be remissed if I did not include healthy relationships as a key core value. Your business is only as strong as its people engaged in relationships working together to accomplish tasks. The depth of which an organization can accomplish tasks depends on its people and the relationships they manage. If they are surface relationships, you can expect about the same result from the body of work. When people are engaged in a trusting and freedom-given relationship, the abilities of both parties is maximized and the full potential of the relationship is reached.